Windex
by Necessary Degree
Summary: Series of one-shots revolving around cleaning supplies and awkward (and fluffy) moments that can ensue. Always complete. Ch. 6- Jolly Old Saint Nick in July? Even after four years, her daughter's logic never failed to amuse her. Kami and Spirit... Kami and Maka with a hint of Spirit.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Soul Eater or Windex... or a bush of white lilacs.**

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**Windex  
_By. Necessary Degree_**

Cool dreams of motorcycles and leather jackets interrupted in the blink of an eye. Or the opening of a crimson eye. Soul's first sight of the day consisted of equally crimson eyes and stark white hair, that matched his own, mixed with an overly amused expression. Soul absently wiped at the drool his brother was probably laughing at and promptly rolled over in an attempt to fall back into the wonderful world of sleep.

"Ah ah ah, little brother, " Wes sang out enjoying waking Soul far too much. Normally the task was left to a servant or maid that had nothing in their hands at the time, but today Wes volunteered for some 'brotherly bonding' time as he told their father. "Mother wants us to have breakfast together in the dining room again. She's grown exhausted waiting for you to rise on your own accord. I'd say you sleep like the dead; I've been here for almost ten minutes!"

Soul brought his pillow to wrap around his face and cover his ears in a feeble attempt at blocking out his brother's voice. "Go 'way." He muttered out, his voice slightly muffled by the pillow that would soon suffocate him.

He heard Wes take a few steps away from his bed and silently sighed at how he was getting his way so early in the morning. Before Soul could remove the pillow to assess what ungodly hour his mother called to eat again, Wes stole away his one happiness in the harsh, conscious world; his sheets.

There was no going back after the blast of cold air raked at his body and shook his muscles until he released a small shiver. "Fuck you, Wes." Soul grabbed his extra pillow and threw it as hard as his tired body would allow. Wes caught the pillow with utter ease to Soul's mild disappointment and expectation.

"Good, you're awake! Be down in five!" Wes hurried from the room before Soul could gain full consciousness and continued to throw his possessions at him.

Soul yawned and stretched beckoning away the faint reminiscences of his mistress, sleep. He half fell out of bed and half crawled onto the floor before forcing himself into a standing possession. He quickly shrugged on a decent shirt and pants over his boxer briefs.

He was out his door in less than two minutes; a personal record somewhere in his of life. Soul strolled lazily down the long corridors that made up the mansion that was his house.

He traveled the memorized path to the kitchens and dining room with a scowl on his face. He forgot to look at the clock but it was well before noon and well before his usual waking time. He glanced out the open patio door when a bit of movement caught his eye. Immediately, his expression lit up into a small smirk. Tending to his mother's prized white lilacs bushes was his favorite gardener.

He changed his course without so much as a second thought. It's been almost three days since one of his and Maka's talks; three days too long in his opinion. Normally, when they had time to speak, they'd be able to talk and talk for hours on end. When they finally ran out of things to say, he'd sit around her while waiting for her to finish her work. Not only would he get to satisfy his daily dose of Maka, but he'd also get his mind taken off the breakfast he was supposed to be attending and anything else that could possibly be worrying him.

He saw her look up at him with a smile on her face and returned with a large grin. With his hand raised, he called out a greeting to her. "Morning, Maka! It's been-" The patio doors were not open. Face plus glass doors equals a lot more pain than the actors on TV portrayed.

He slid to sit on his butt and put his face in his hands. He was mindful of his nose that hurt the dickens. Even with the doors closed he could hear her tinkling laughter directed at him. His face was heating up and there was nothing he could do to lessen it; there was no playing it cool for this blunder. _Fucking Windex._

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**Hello again! I thought of this while cleaning last night, I hope you enjoyed it. I want to turn this into a series of cleaning supplies one-shots though for the time being it's going to stay complete. Leave a review or PM me if you would like to see more of these. Thank you for reading!**

**-Nth Degree**


	2. Chapter 2

**262 words**

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There was no way Soul was going to live this down.

Maka walked in on Soul during one of his more _private _moments in the day. One of the moments he could only enjoy on Saturday afternoons when she left the apartment for her little study group. This was his time; she wasn't supposed to witness any of it.

He was _moaning_ when she found him. The living room was nowhere near as private as his bedroom and he couldn't exactly ask her to knock on the front door before entering.

How long was she standing in the hallway watching before he noticed her? Actually, no, that was not something he wanted to know.

Right now, he would much prefer if she caught him masturbating. That could be explained with a simple (but still awkward) speech about him being a teenager that was sexually frustrated; he would live through it.

_**This**_. There was no way to explain _this_ to Maka that would allow her to look at him the same.

This was entirely her fault; if she wasn't so good at being a woman, if she wasn't so good at cleaning, there was no way he would've been forced into this situation. There was absolutely no way she could blame him.

What sane man could resist the sweet allure of freshly sprayed Febreze: Spring & Renewal ® on their carpet?

So when Maka walked into the house to find her weapon partner's face buried in the carpet he was _moaning_ into, she shouldn't have been surprise. It was only common sense.

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**_Disclaimer: I don't own Soul Eater or Febreze: Spring and Renewal®_**

**Here's a lil somethin somethin cause I drank coffee aprox. 5 hrs ago (it's just about 4am) and I can't sleep yet. **


	3. Chapter 3

Fuck.

"Fuck, fuck, _**fuck. **_Maka is going to flip her shit. Dear sweet Shinigami, give Maka the patience to not kill me." Or bless him with the stamina to endure whatever punishment she was sure to bestow upon him.

Soul was standing in front of the washing machine scared out of his mind to hell and back.

It was an accident. He will swear in front of Shinigami-sama (or Kid for that matter) that it was an accident. Of course he wouldn't mention why he was in her room in the first place or why he had food with him... or why he was going through her closet. Those details wouldn't matter if it was his last day as a Death scythe.

Maka was going to kill him.

He wouldn't be surprised. It was not supposed to look like this mess of… _glob. _That was the only word he could deem appropriate.

Maka was going to _kill_ him. There was no getting out of this.

There was a reason he didn't help out with the house work. There was a reason he left all the cleaning, most of the cooking, and _all_ of the laundry to Maka.

He, honest to god (Shinigami-sama, Kid, _**whatever**_), just wanted to lighten her load. In all their four and a half years of living together, he has only done the laundry twice. Both of those times were back when they just started living together. Both of those times were such absolute failures that Maka swore him off anything relating to clothing, detergent, and dryer sheets. The ban later widened to the scale of him just not touching _anything _in the laundry room.

Maka was going to _**kill**_ him. He completely ignored _everything_ she warned him _not_ to do.

"Soul, I'm home!" Fuck. He was too young to die. He did not sacrifice himself all those years ago just to die at her hands. Though, it was more preferable than being ripped in half by a psycho gender-confused _thing_. "I bought you one of those double bacon burgers you like from _Carl's Jr._" She was too nice to him. She is the best meister ever.

And she was going to kill him.

With ninja stealth obtained only from listening to Tsubaki grill Black Star, he snuck from the laundry room to his bedroom just as the sound of Maka opening the fridge reached his ears. He made sure to make a lot of noise (bed springs squeaking, heavy footsteps, doors slamming, the whole nine yards) while leaving his room.

In the kitchen, Maka was struggling to get some plates from the top shelf of the cupboard. Soul easily reached over her head and grabbed two plates. "It's okay to ask for help, you know."

"Yeah, thanks Soul." She froze and closed her eyes as she leaned in to smell his body. "Ugh, gross! You smell like…" Her eyes snapped open and gauged him with a wary and questioning look. "Why do you smell like bleach?"

Why didn't he change his clothes? He was in his room; he could have changed his clothes. He should have changed his clothes. While he was absorbed in his self loathing, Maka started at a steady pace for the laundry room.

He snapped out of his dread induced daze as Maka reached the door way to the kitchen. He lunged for her and gripped her around the waist pulling her into his chest. "Why don't we just eat instead?"

"Soul, _what did you __**do?!**_" None of her strength was held back as she jabbed him in the solar plexus. His eyes began to water and he doubled over, struggling for breath. In his time of pain, Maka pried his weakened grip off her and dashed to the laundry room.

When she saw the abomination that was left, she leaned against the door frame in absolute shock.

_It _was a pail tan-ish yellow color that should **not** exist on their plane of earth. _It_ was bunched up in a puddle of water, fabric softener, and _bleach._ _It_ was the little red dress she received last Christmas from Blair.

"I'm sorry, I was just…" His words fell on deaf ears, she only caught little snippets while lost in her thoughts. _"Accident… Shouldn't have… who the hell… bleach all over… shouldn't it be…not gross glob... I'm sorry... swear to Kid… have mercy… Maka!"_ Her head snapped up to meet his eyes that were full of apprehension and fear.

She smiled at him.

May Shinigami-sama up in heaven have mercy on his soul.

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**Because bleach plus colored clothes does not just turn it white like I hoped it would... ****Again, this is a semi-personal experience that lead to a major whipping on my part. Thank you past me for being an idiot and giving me this pearl of wisdom to share.**

**In case you didn't understand... Soul spilled some stuffs on her little red dress and tried to fix it with Bleach because it's supposed to get rid of stains! Right?!**

**Um, I don't know if this is any good, I started it about a week ago and completely forgot about it... So happy belated Independence Day or Canada Day. And a happy birthday to me! I am now a year older as of the seventh! Of course, no one reads authors notes anyways so...**


	4. Chapter 4

While he held her in his arms and Maka unconsciously buried her face in his heated chest, Soul was left wondering what excuse to use if she ever woke.

He couldn't very well say the truth. Saying that he was laying next to her in the middle of the night because she was wearing pajamas fresh from the dryer was unthinkable. It would practically be suicide to admit he was holding her to him because he loved the silky scent of her clothes.

For the time being, Soul would allow himself to be enveloped in sweet sheets and soft snuggles.

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**A perfect drabble! Exactly 100 words and I am proud of it.**

**Again, I'm procrastinating... By typing... I should be typing something else but this came to me instead. Now, I can focus and get stuff done.**

**Sorry if you thought this was too short or that it was too fluffy but have you ever used _Snuggles?_ That stuff is addicting. Next one will probably be funnier and longer. I'm not necessarily making any promises.**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Soul Eater or Snuggles**_


	5. Chapter 5

"Tonight, I have a faith in you that can only be secured by your performance on the battle field. Tonight, we are men. I am counting on you valiant soldiers to wreck havoc on the enemy. Tonight, is the breaking point, your final fight; tonight is your finish line." Soul paced the kitchen with a determined look on his face and a prayer on his mind. The warriors were looking stronger than usual, they almost didn't need his encouragement. But as it was ritual, he would not leave them without his words.

"It will be hot and it will be steamy but it won't be dreams of those pussies at _Crest_. No. This fight will be your end; it will show if the training they put you through back at 'The Factory' can handle a fully loaded field. Can you deal with-"

"Soul, who're you talking to?"

Maka's curious and sleepy voice broke Soul from his enthusiastic dialogue. He paused mid-stride to stare up at Maka in absolute shock.

"A-Are you talking to-?" She rubbed her eyes of sleep and with mild disbelief.

"No. Go back to bed. It's almost two in the morning." His hand crept behind him to grab his lineup of soldiers from the counter.

"You're talking to the-"

"NO I'M NOT! Maka, go back to bed. You know you get cranky when you don't get enough sleep."

Ignoring his jab ('cause it totally wasn't true), she continued on. The need to say it aloud over ran the need to save her weapon from embarrassment. "You're pep-talking the dish detergent."

Giving her a hard stare, he willed his face not to heat up. When a small smile broke across her face, he knew he failed. Tossing the gelpac into the dishwasher, he shut it with a snap and turned it on with a look on his face that dared her to say anything else. "Go to bed."

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**_Disclaimer: I do not own Soul Eater, Crest Gelpacs, or Finish Gelpacs_**

**Use whatever definition for 'pussies' you like. I think it goes either way. I have nothing against Crest, it just fit in.**

**So. I didn't abuse the use of bold and italics. That deserves an applause, right?**

**I don't know about you guys but I like the shorter ones better. Do you guys like them longer or shorter? Really, I'm just going off what feels right. Like today, I picked up one of the Finish ones and started to give it a pep talk cause my dishwasher is fuller than my fish when I accidentally poured the entire thing of fish food (7ish years ago. R.I.P. DeeJay Mellow)**

**IN RESPONSE TO SPAWNOFCTHULU (sorry, I wanted to catch your attention)- Thanks for the compliment but I've never been one for contest. I'll think about it later on in life (probably during one of my 4am philosophy sessions). Until then, I'll stick with writing spontaneous FanFics for fandoms that appeal to me :)  
**


	6. Chapter 6

**Words: 305**

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Standing in the doorway of her bedroom, Kami hid her shocked gasp behind her hands. Spirit was lying in their bed unconscious with Maka sitting on his chest. In Maka's hands was a spray can of something she couldn't see the label for. Eyeing the thick film of foam covering most of his face, Kami had an idea of what it was and began to relax a bit. "Maka, what did you do?" She whispered at her daughter to keep from laughing. It truly was a hilarious display with Spirit's entire face covered in his white shaving cream. Like a responsible mother, Kami moved to steal Maka from her perch before Spirit could wake to no breath and an eyeful of chemicals.

"I turned Papa into Santa. He forgot the fluffy beard with his rosy cheeks so I gave him one." Proud that she helped her Papa, Maka unleashed her smile with a thousand watt intensity at her Mama.

Suddenly, Kami found herself having a harder time being mad at the four year old. "Maka, honey, it's the middle of July. Santa doesn't show up until December." Seeing that reasoning with the little girl was getting her nowhere, Kami changed tatcis. "Your Papa has a fever; you really shouldn't have done that."

"But it looks like snow! It'll cool him off for sure." Smiling even broader, Maka could not be deterred from her childish naivete of health and life.

"Close, but not exactly. Go grab a hand towel, we need to get this off or else he'll wake up." As the rapid padding of Maka's feet faded away, Kami looked at the can lounging innocently on the bed. _Scrubbing Bubbles: Mega Shower Foamer, _the title read. Paling instantly, Kami allowed herself to freak out again. "Oh."

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**Dedicated to JuneGilbertVivianRaeven for request some Spirit and Kami, though it's really more of a Kami and Maka thing...**

**I guess this means I take request. So if you have a specific pairing you'd like to see me torture, just tell me and I'll see what I can do :)**

**I feel like there are a few (or more) mistakes in here. I'll go back over it in the morning... tomorrow afternoon. Until then, ignore them. Or tell me about them, I can't tell you what to do. Meh, I'm going to bed.**

**[Insert Statement About Mixed Feelings Here]**

**[Insert Standard Disclaimer Here]**

**[Insert BS reasoning for all the 'Insert blank here's here]**


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